My Quandary

The other day at work I had kind of a tough day. It began with a phone call. To understand the importance of this phone call, you must first understand my boss. He's a bit of an eccentric, and very good at what he does. He's an attorney. He literally told me my first week working there that perfection is possible if I will only pay attention. Paperwork should be filed in a certain way, phone calls need to be handled just so, and thus perfection not only is attainable, it is shameful if it is not constantly maintained. He likes everything, and I do mean everything, to be handled his way. We, the under-staff, are only there to keep things running smoothly enough that he doesn't have to bother with us and our work, but can go about his own tasks uninterrupted.

Now, don't think that I don't like my boss. I do. And I believe that under his exterior he has an incling of affection for me. I can see it in the completely random comments he makes to me when he's trying to be friendly enough for a miniature conversation. For example, the other day he walked by my desk in the morning on his way to talk to the other secretary (most days we don't say a word to each other) and as he walked by, it was almost like he remembered that I was there and was obligated to say something. He stopped and said "Oh, good morning. How are you." To which I gave the inspiring reply, "I'm good. How about yourself?" He said, "Oh I'm great. Yeah, see I got some new shoes," at which point he looked down and started rocking on his heels like a self-conscious, proud 4th grader. I smiled not really knowing what to say to this random comment, and of course, brilliantly, the first thing that pops in to my head is a very sarcastic "well congrats." (aka whoopdy do. You're a millionaire.) (Thankfully, no one can tell when I'm sarcastic...I'm much too wholesome and cheerful-looking. It's too unexpected.) So we generally avoid each other at work, although I like him and I believe he grudgingly likes me...even if he probably doesn't remember my name half the time.

My fateful phone call came that morning from a hateful man named Mike Shaw. I picked up the phone, "Good morning, Pedersen & Whitehead."

He asked to speak with Ken. I asked what it was regarding.

He said, "It's personal."

Once in a while, Ken has friends that call and they are as eccentric and dismissive of us "underlings" as he is. They always say "it's personal."

So, I paged Ken. Told him who was on the line. He asked "well, who is that."

Bad Sign

I told him that he said it was personal. He said OK and picked it up.

I then had a bad, burny feeling in the stomach region.

Soon, I hear Ken's door opening. Next I hear the near shout "Whitney!?"

Very Bad Sign

He walks to my desk and says that Mike Shaw was a salesman trying to pawn something off on him. Don't I know what I'm doing? My job is to screen these calls so he doesn't have to deal with anything he doesn't want to. I mean, why else am I being paid right? He was furious especially that I told him that it was a "personal call." How dare I. All of this being fairly yelled in the middle of the office. Each person can hear. Eventually he walks off without waiting for a reply muttering, "You told me he was my friend."

Hmm.

Well, the tongue lashing was a little embarrassing, but I don't pay too much attention because next thing I know Ken will give me a cheerful "have a good lunch!" Besides, I know that I didn't do anything wrong. It ain't my fault that a salesman got tricky and knows how to get through to talk to an attorney (even though he has a flagrant disregard for the poor receptionists, because he has to know that they get the flack for it. Hateful man) I just continued with my work, and didn't let it bother me much.

Then, my co-worker sneaks up to me and says very quietly "Whitney, don't worry about Ken. He does that to all of us. You just have to smile and nod your head and say 'yeah, ok ken' and then he'll leave you alone. He's just stressed about this big trial we have, it makes him edgy. Don't worry about it, he does it to all of us."

hmmm

Soon, another one of the secretaries comes up to me and under her voice says almost exactly the same thing. "He's just stressed. We've all been yelled at before."

Double hmmm

And herein lies my problem. The little thorn in my side that nags at my conscience, my sense of right and wrong.

Why does it matter that he's stressed? Because he's a "powerful" man and is taking financial risks makes it excusable to treat people this way? I'm not tooting my horn here, I'm not having a pity party because I was yelled at. It honestly didn't bother me much until the other girls I work with offered me support in saying that they get the pleasure of being publicly humiliated too. I don't believe that stress is a free pass for behaving like a spoiled child. I also don't want to sound like a feminist here, but he would never, ever treat a man that way. Never. Why is that? There are men that work in the office. None of them have ever had a tongue lashing. None.

And that's where I see that I am just as guilty as he. I allow him to treat me that way. And the more I allow it, the more he will likely continue. Because he's the man in charge, and I'm the lowly receptionist. I could have said, "Ken, I didn't tell you he was your friend. I told you that he said it was a personal call. If you didn't know him, then you should have told me to either get rid of him, or get more information. I'm sorry, but unless you'd like to give me a list of every single friend that may call, it's just rude to ask what a personal call is regarding." But I didn't say that to him. Nor can I imagine myself saying that to him. I'm a quiet person who does not like confrontation. It makes me nervous.

The solution to my problem? Either get a backbone, or don't screw up ever again.

Right now, perfection seems easier.

Arizona

Last week, Chris and I went to Mesa with his parents to his brother's graduation. It was such a great trip! (Except for the drive of course. Ugh)

Unfortunately, I have no pictures of the trip.

We went to one of the malls there and just shopped around. Chris went to the Pottery Barn with me and I decided (as I always do when I visit there) that one day my house will look like that store. (Sigh) now all I have to do is become filthy rich to be able to afford it!

The graduation was great. It was fun to watch the girls cheering for Shaun...and then once he was done they would keep asking why they couldn't leave now! Watching the graduation made me excited to start school again (yeah, I'm a nerd like that) and to finally be done with my own graduation.

The guys went golfing one morning, and were back by breakfast time because it was already way too hot. Teagan managed to convince me to get up at 5 to go work out with her (yeah, she's awesome like that.) It was pretty nice actually, but already it was warmer outside than I would ever work out in at home. I can see why she needs to get up that early to work out...and I could also see that it had been a LONG time since I'd worked out. It was way harder than it should have been, yikes!

While we were there, Chris's old missionary buddy called him to get together. Elder Rush. He's from Mesa and is still there going to school. He's a great guy, and I wish that I had some single friends to introduce him to. It was fun to listen to Chris and him talk about "the glory days" of Alabama.

Chris, as most of you know, is going to go to school to be an optometrist. He originally wanted to go back to Alabama for school, but we found out that there is a nice, smaller school in Mesa that he could go to. So, if he can be accepted there, we will probably be living there for a few years. I'm actually pretty excited about that. I've loved Arizona ever since we took that vacation to Tucsan. I really like Mesa, and it's a lot closer to home than Alabama!

If you want to see some pictures from the trip, just visit Shaun and Teagan's blog (over to the right --->)

Thanks Shaun and Teagan for having us. It was so fun to see you guys again, we had a great time! Love you!

Summer Afternoon

The other day, Chris and I went to Shoshone falls for a picnic. We played Bocci, a little frizbee, but mostly just lounged around and enjoyed the afternoon. Lovely.

This is our view from the picture above.

I love summer afternoons.

Bear Lake

The Bear Lake trip was FABULOUS!! We had such a great time and loved spending time with everybody. Here's some pics of the vacation.

This is the view of the lake as we drove up in the car. It was about this time that I started to squeal in excitement.

This (golf) was a main attraction for these particular boys.

Me watching the boys. Yup, my sprinkling of freckles is adorable.

The view from our back porch. It's kinda hard in this picture to see the lake because it blends into the mountains behind it, but it's just right there.

And here we have the love of my life. Covered in sand. (sigh) Isn't he dreamy?

Chris and Logan building the moat around the sand castle. This was quite the project.

This was on the van ride up to the minitonka caves. And yes, Chris and I are matching. We must really be meant for eachother.

Poor Maren and Logan were kinda bullied around the twister board with me and Chris. I don't know what's wrong with Maren in this picture, but she looks like she's going to be ill.

This was Sam's turn to play where we got creative. This particular command was "put your head on yellow"

Dad and Sam bumpin' knuckles. pound it.

Girl time: mani's and pedi's

All us girls got hats for ouselves. We didn't manage to get a picture of all of us though...

This one made me laugh, twinners! After doing so many fun things, we all felt the need for one of these.
This really was such a fun trip. Thanks mom and dad for setting it all up. We love you!

My Confession

So everybody is self-conscious of something about themselves. Everyone. Sometimes, to relieve the tension of what it is about myself that makes me so uneasy, I make little jokes about it. It kinda bugs me when people don't accept the joke and say things like "no you're not" and "of course you do!" Seriously, just let me wallow. It makes me feel better.

Some things in particular that make me squirm:

Here's a given. My height. (I know, everyone is jumping to my defense, thinking "you're not THAT tall," or "Tall is beautiful." Thank you very much for being loyal, but trust me, I know and I believe you...doesn't change a thing though.) I would give anything to be little for just one day. Okay...maybe a week. To be able to find clothes that fit because I'm a normal sized person would be EUPHORIA! To get to wear the adorable high heels that I so covetously desire! Oh, Good Glory!! Since I can remember, my dearest wish was to someday be able to curl up in the lap of my beloved and just be cuddled. But...that cannot happen, I am too big. I don't fit. The only men I know that are big enough to do such a thing are my brothers. Jenny, I love you, but when Todd brought you home the first time I could have shot him. Shot him for falling for such a darling, tiny girl (And don't think you're off the hook Robb, I could have done it to you too). I could have done it for all the tall girls out there. There's a certain camaraderie amongst tall girls...I catch the eye of another woman my height (can't miss her, she's the only one at eye level) and there's a certain common knowledge. It's like she's saying, "Yep, I understand sista...I understand."It's like a club. During the tumultuous pubescent years, it was a little difficult to deal with...considering by the time I entered 5th grade I was taller than all the boys, girls--and all the teachers. As I came of age I realized that being tall is a part of my personality. The way I am wouldn't fit on a small girl, and I came to love the the way I am. It can still cause problems though, even though I've embraced my extra long self. I still avoid with zealousness the possibility of standing, sitting, lying, and/or walking next to a small girl. My little heart can't bear the comparison. Some of Chris's friends have absolutely tiny wives. When we get together they are all dainty and take up hardly any space...and then I come lumbering along. Ugh.

Another odd thing that I'm slightly self conscious of is my taste in music. When I first meet someone, a common question is "What kind of music do you like." Cue the stuttering and stalling! I don't have a particular kind of music I like. Honestly, I hardly ever like popular music...it just usually sounds like noise to me. Someone asks me my favorite song and I'm more likely to come up with something by Simon and Garfunkle than anything new. I never know who sings what song. Don't be confused into thinking that I don't care much for listening to music...oh no, I take my music very seriously. I need to listen to something almost constantly. I cannot clean efficiently without it, I can't enjoy a good game without something playing. There's no possibility of exercising without something to distract me from the pain (do not be confused again into thinking that I work out more than a couple times a year.) To face my fears and insecurities in the musical taste arena, I will give you a playlist of what I listen to when I (supposedly) work out. Some of it is quite good, others you will probably think I'm "a bit wonky."

If I'm feeling particularly bouncy:

"Viva La Vida" by Cold Play (I only know that because it says so in iTunes...)

"Lollipop" and "Love Today" by Mika (This music is flamboyantly gay...but I dare you not to dance to these candies-for-your-ears)

"Unwritten" by Natasha Beningfield

"Happy Girl" by Martina McBride

(If you are male and listen to any of the two afore mentioned songs...you may be flamboyantly gay. Just FYI)

"Here In Your Arms" by hellogoodbye (People either love it or hate it. I am of the "love it" persuasion)

"Flat Head" by the Frailties (Not possible to not shake your hips)

"Single Ladies" by Beyonce (Super bouncy, except for the weird middle which always gives me a bad, burny feeling in my stomach...)

"Diner" by Martin Sexton (It's about a Diner...)

"Cecilia" by Simon and Garfunkle (told ya)

If I'm in a work-my-tail-off mood:

"All These Things That I've Done" by the Killers (Keep in mind this was a hugely popular song...years ago and I'm now coming around to it.)

"Mr. Brightside" by the Killers (Again...)

"Paralyzer" by Finger Eleven (In one word: Awesome)

"Son of Man" and "Two Worlds" in the Tarzan soundtrack (seriously)

"Lose Yourself" by Eminem (yeah, I have to be honest...It pumps me up. I know, I know)

"You Are Loved" by Josh Groban (yep, I'm such a girl)

If I just wanna listen to music

"Till Kingdom Come" by Coldplay

"Book of Love" by Peter Gabriel

Pretty much any of the classics of Nat King Cole (not even kidding)

"Fix You" and "The Scientist" by Coldplay (I must like Coldplay...)

The soundtrack to 'The Gladiator" "Batman Begins" or "The Davinci Code" (Seriously, don't even talk to me while I'm listening...I won't answer) Hans Zimmer is a fraggin genius. Good stuff, that is.

There, I faced my fear, and now you know what music I like. Some of it's good, some of it's weird. Take it or leave it. You also know how I feel about my genetic propensity for extra tall clothing. Now that I've got that off my chest (sigh) I feel better.

(Next time, I would post about all the things I like about myself...but it would be even longer, and I'd just be bragging.)

Remarks from Sparks give away

So I'm pretty loyal.

There's a certain blog that I read everyday...at work.

Some people take smoking breaks, I take "Remarks" breaks.

It always leaves me laughing and contemplating...plus it's better for my health.

So I read it every day.

I never leave a comment...I've always been shy. I really should tell her how much I love her blog.

She also just so happens to be giving away an iphone...the dearest desire of my dearest's heart!

How Exciting!

For extra entries, I've faithfully voted for her and her sister's blogs for the BlogLuxe Awards (both are deserving of the award if you ask me), I dutifully snatched their buttons for my own blog, and now I am obediently posting about this particular give away.

Mark another one up for Whit and Chris.

Shortly after Chris and I entered wedded bliss, he insisted that we needed new phones. I was perfectly happy with the old, outdated phone of my singledom, but I wanted to give him what he wanted. And he wanted the blackberry. I chose the blackberry pearl. We went throught a week long ordeal looking for phones and phone plans, choosing colors and making orders. I liked my new little phone. It makes calls just like the old one... plus a lot of stuff I don't know how to use. Totally worth the $$$.

Chris on the other hand, opened the box to his highly anticipated new purchase, and promptly announced he didn't like it and wished he had gotten a different phone. Now he is jonesing for an iphone.

He really hates his phone. For the sake of my husband, I hope I win.

http://www.remarksfromsparks.com

My Little Sunshine

I consider myself to be lucky in that I have just bit more sunshine in my day than my co-workers. You see, I have the greatest mail man in the world...and as I'm the receptionist, I revel in selfishly hogging his sunshine all to myself at the front desk.


He's like Santa Clause.


Honestly, he kinda looks like Santa. He's an older gentleman, a little round 'round the middle, and a beard as white as snow. And his eyes!! Oh, his eyes! They make me feel like when I was a little girl and grandpa would laugh as I searched every coat pocket for the piece of candy he must have surely brought for me...little did I know that his eyes were laughing because it was his little secret that the candy was really in his hand. To say the least...they twinkle.


He always wears shorts...December or August shorts are the attire. And he wears the funniest glasses. I swear my teacher had some just like it in the fifth grade. She'd pull them out when it was story time, and they were small little frames with brightly multi-colored rims. Delightful.


I don't know his name, and he does not know mine. I doubt we'll ever be formally introduced. To me, he'll always be my mailman. At Christmas, I will give him a card addressed to "my favorite mailman." (Yes, he is so endearing that I want to give him a Christmas card) He has a boisterous voice that's just a little gruff. We exchange pleasantries such as "Good morning," or my personal favorite, "Happy Friday!" Once in a while he'll compliment my sweater, saying it reminds him of the color of cranberries. Charming. I always thank him for his service, and I sincerely mean it when I say, "Have a good day."


As we all know, I am not a morning person. I've had quite the love affair with my bed for some time now, and I can be a little cranky when we must part ways. I don't really remember much until about 10:00 am, as that's when the fog clears and I'm fully awake and functional...luckily that's about the time my beloved mailman comes.


It's nice to wake up to sunshine.